Can women really get laid whenever they want?

Today at Jezebel, Anna North tackled the myth that girls can get laid whenever they want. This caught my attention because this is something I have heard from a number of guys, even so recently as last night. It usually occurs during a whining session, where one or both of us is complaining about sex and how we’re not getting any. When I try to commiserate with my sexually frustrated male pal, he will typically respond like this: “But you don’t understand. You’re a girl; you can get laid whenever you want.” This assumption, my friends, is flawed.

I was hoping that Anna North would articulate this for me, but unfortunately, she went in a slightly different direction by discussing the marginalization of women who do not conform to traditional standards of beauty. While she does make a valid point, there is more to the myth than just the fact that not all women are considered sexually desirable. Even if a woman IS considered sexually desirable, it is problematic to assume that she can get laid any ol’ time she wants.

I think I understand how this belief comes about. Women are often seen as having the power to say “yes” or “no” in sexual situations. From the male point of view, if a woman wants to have sex, all she has to do is say “yes” and sex is on. The problem here is that this line of reasoning goes on a lot of assumptions, the main one being that women are in a perpetual state of being propositioned for sex. This is simply not the case. If it were, straight men would have to be constantly propositioning women for sex, and I would argue that most straight men do not operate this way.

When it comes to being sexually frustrated, men and women have a lot more in common than one might think.

Have you ever been at a bar or party, staring across the room at someone you might like to have sex with, frustrated that you don’t know how to get their attention or demonstrate that you’re interested? This is a common experience shared by both men and women.  I would even argue that in this situation, men actually have the upper hand since traditional gender roles dictate that it is more acceptable for a man to approach a woman than the other way around. The problem is that many men do not ask women out because they are too afraid of rejection, and this fear is a burden that women increasingly share as it becomes more and more acceptable for women to do the asking. If you are a guy who has “chickened out” when it comes to approaching a girl, it’s a safe bet that your female friends can relate.

The second false assumption here is that the only reason a woman wouldn’t be getting laid is because she’s too picky. If all a woman has to do to have sex is say “yes,” then her sexual frustration is her own fault. Her standards are too high – a notion that contributes to the stereotype of women as shallow creatures (or “bitches”) who will only mate with prime physical specimens; i.e. the ones with rippling muscles and waxed chests. I don’t mean to sound callous, but these are the arguments of bitter men who have experienced rejection – an experience I will once again argue that women share. Women have been judged and rejected based on their appearance and sexual desirability for centuries, and it sucks. And now the burden to be perfectly sculpted is one increasingly shared by men, for better or worse.

The reality is that you aren’t going to be attracted to a portion of the people who ask you out, whether you’re a man or a woman. It’s not fair to say that if a woman wants sex she should just “stop being picky” and have sex with whomever, when men are just as likely to reject people they are not attracted to.

Of course, there are some gendered double standards in the quest to get laid that men and women experience differently. One in particular comes to mind, something that we feminists refer to as “slut-shaming.” Let’s say that, for the sake of argument, a woman does want to have sex and doesn’t particularly care with whom. Let’s say she goes to a bar with the express purpose of finding someone to have sex with. No matter what happens next, she is already a “slut,” by social standards and therefore does not deserve respect from men or women. Any attempts to get the attention of possible sex partners will more than likely be interpreted as “dancing slutty,” “dressing slutty,” or “eye-fucking.” Men who employ similar tactics are not sluts; they’re “suave,” “smooth,” or “a player.” Even if it were true that women could have sex anytime they wanted, they would be considered sluts if they actually did it. But even this, the slut-shaming experience, is something that is beginning to cross gender lines as terms like “man-whore” creep into the lexicon.

It’s important to correct the myth that women can have sex whenever they want because it sets up sexual frustration as a male privilege: female sexual frustration is not authentic because it is self-imposed, whereas male sexual frustration is more “genuine.” The reality is that sexual frustration is something men and women have in common, and there is more to gain from thinking of it as a universal experience than a gendered one.

85 thoughts on “Can women really get laid whenever they want?

  1. Wait, you mean all women aren’t being propositioned for sex multiple times a day? For the whole of my adolescent life, it seemed like every girl had to go through the following dialogue at least five times every day:

    GUY: Please?
    GIRL: …No.
    GUY: Pleease?
    GIRL: No.
    GUY: Pretty please with sugar on top?
    GIRL: No! Go away!
    occasionally, substitute the last one for (GIRL: Oh, what the heck. Sure, why not?)

    Based on that assumption, girls being “picky” makes sense. If you’ve got 500 people applying for a job, you can afford to be selective. The difficulty isn’t convincing someone to like you, it’s deciding which candidate is worthy of your time and energy. And the job metaphor works for slut-shaming as well. A company that will hire anyone regardless of qualifications is probably looked down upon, while a candidate who can land any job he wants is considered a superstar.

    As for sexual frustration being male privilege, it also carries with it a stinging indictment of the culture of heterosexual men. Namely, we’re so desperate for sex that we’ll go to embarrassing and undignified lengths to sleep with absolutely anyone who’ll say “yes,” regardless of any criteria whatsoever (besides being biologically female.) If women never have to be that desperate, they should count that as a victory.

    • I HAVE NEVER been propositioned by a guy!! EVER and im 25 and NOT fat. Maybe pretty girls but average girls….uh NO. Adolescence was my hell and i am very much without male attention into my twenties. Maybe it SEEMED like every girl cuz u just payed attention to the cute/ pretty ones…duh! I would love to have sex with guys but Im apparently not GOOD ENOUGH. you dont know what ur talking about—some of us dont have applicants at all and some of us do have to be ‘that desperate’

  2. great insights, leah. i’m really glad you touched on a lot of things, especially the end wrt slut-shaming. i think the anger at women who express frustration (and the disbelief that sometimes ensues from men) is at the other end of the thinking-line from a culture that has slut-shame on the brain. they’re on the same spectrum of ridiculous sexual assumptions…well i’m dithery. be well, jojo

  3. 100x Yes! I get this “but you’re a girl; you can get it whenever you want” crap all the time. I want to know in what universe this happens in? Another point, if you do go to the bar looking to get some, there’s a lot of risk in that. And if you did happen to hook up with some guy who ends up assaulting you or stalking you later or something, well then the slut-shaming comes back in, because that’s what you get for going out looking for sex.

  4. I disagree with your analysis. You basically want to tackle an empirical question(s). One formulation of it is in absolute terms: can girls get laid whenever they want. Another is in relative terms: all things equal, can women get laid significantly more than men. I can only guess (since I don’t have the data) that the answer to the second question is positive, if we take the phrase “all things equal” seriously.

    A different set of questions may tackle other things, such as different costs that women face and behavioral and social factors that influence women’s ability to have sex (e.g., social norms, “slut-shaming”, etc.) — regardless of their chance of getting it if these factors were put aside.
    The fact that women are exposed to higher social costs for having casual sex impacts women’s behavior but doesn’t change the fact that they do have more opportunities to get laid…

  5. This is total BS. If any of this were right, than hookers would not exist.

    Now you might be saying, men pay for hookers cause they want a standard that they might not be able to get normally. Paying for a hot girl to have sex with you. But that is wrong, have you seen hookers, they are not hot. More gross if anything.

    But when it comes down to it, click an the escorts section of craigslist. You will see about 1000+ ads a day in a major city for w4m (woman for men) escorts. In the mens section, maybe you will find 5 ads.

    Face it. You can go out and meet a guy if you are a little outgoing and project a fun girl attitude. As with a guy, its never just that easy, as many woman will want a relastionship, where as guys would just be down to get laid.

    So to the woman that agree with this. Try this. Get dolled up. Dress nice and go to a bar. Pick out the guy you want to have and just walk up and stand near by. Then when he looks over just smile and maybe mouth the word “hi.”
    Yes he will be thrown off, and might look away in a sort of shy guy shock. But just stay on him, and wait till he looks again. Do the same thing and this time maybe wave him over.

    Done. You got laid.

    • Wow, Booby. While you’re at it, why don’t you just suggest that the women go out dressed in a short skirt & heels and wait for a random guy to dose their drink and drag them into a dark alleyway? The potential for things to go criminally wrong is far greater for girls picking up random guys than vice versa. The odds of getting physically attacked by unscrupulous characters are not in their favor. I certainly wouldn’t blame a girl for not wanting to put her safety in the hands of the first guy to say “yes” in a bar at last call, regardless of all other traits. Also, I think there’s a step or two in between “wave him over” and “done. you got laid.” In fact, I’m pretty sure one of the points of the article is that not every guy propositions every girl who waves him over.

      As for the hooker argument, I don’t see how it’s relevant. Hookers exist because people frequently want sex without any social or emotional component, and are willing to pay for it. The stigma surrounding prostitution tends to be different for men and women, though: for men it’s objectionable but almost expected, while for women it’s another opportunity for slut-shaming.

      Damn, I’ve broken comment thread rule #1: Do not feed the trolls. I do have one constructive comment to add, though! Does it seem like this phenomenon isn’t strictly related to men envying women? I’d venture to say many different groups think that The Other has it easy when it comes to lovin’ (straight vs. LGBT springs to mind.) What do you think, Leah?

      • “Does it seem like this phenomenon isn’t strictly related to men envying women? I’d venture to say many different groups think that The Other has it easy when it comes to lovin’ (straight vs. LGBT springs to mind.) ”

        Interesting observation, John. I think you’re probably right there. And if that is in fact the case for men v. women, straight v. LGBT, older v. younger, etc, then each group is making those assumptions based on stereotypes (i.e. LGBT folks are more promiscuous, men go to hookers, etc). And those stereotypes are not useful or constructive – which leads me to my original point: we have more to gain from thinking of sexual frustration as a universal experience than unique to one group.

        And thanks for feeding the trolls. I was hoping someone else would deal with that for me.

  6. yea i can get laid whenever i want. the end! that was the title of your article here. all you did was discuss the issues that can go wrong. whether Bobby is a troll or not, he is right. if i do that to any guy. DONE im getting laid.

    • Sid, that depends on your definition/criteria. If you simply tell a guy and a woman “go out and get laid in the next 2 hours, or you go to prison”, the woman is more likely to achieve it… True…

      BUT… In the real world, she has more fears, insecurities, judgements, and societal norms which prevent her from using this ability. She’ll be judged before and after the fact a lot more.

      Now, I’m not excusing women. Because its everyone’s personal responsibility to overcome societal programming in their own life. But you gotta encompass this into your perspective as well.

      • This is assuming that women must use the same avenues as men to get laid. A woman can get a job at a retail store and be hit on by the entire staff and then decide to date a guy that a few of her girlfriends said was okay. I’ve been going to a pub to Irish dance for years. The women trust all the male regulars there, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to get laid more. Women tend to meet men through social networks. If you ask around at how people met their wives or husbands, it’s usually, “I worked with her” or “We went to the same school” or “My friends introduced us”. How often do you hear, “I picked her up in a bar and then we lived happily ever after?” Yes, I know… men don’t want to meet women in bars for a long meaningful relationship…true… But keep in mind, men can’t get laid easily in bars anyway. Trust me though, if women want casual sex, they can get it from within their social networks. Men that get laid the most are the good looking ones (obviously) who have good social skills and lots of friends. That is how women operate AND they have it tremendously easier than men. Men make it difficult on themselves as a group because they act so desperate. Also, a very broad age range of men prefer a very small age range of women.

  7. “From the male point of view, if a woman wants to have sex, all she has to do is say “yes” and sex is on. The problem here is that this line of reasoning goes on a lot of assumptions, the main one being that women are in a perpetual state of being propositioned for sex. ”

    How about a woman propositioning for sex herself? That is why getting laid *is* objectively easier for women. Her odds of being rejected if she asks a guy to have sex are much smaller than a guy approaching a girl. Of course, this is where “buts” come in like “buts its more dangerous for her”, “but she will be labeled afterwards”… And some of those are valid, but those are side-effects. The actual ability to get laid is easier for women.

    .
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    As for the rest of the article, as a guy I really appreciate you taking into consideration men’s feelings, and how it feels to have all the pressure put onto you, and always being the one shot down etc… You also do a good job of explaining to men the equivalent, of how… Women don’t really have it easy as a man fantasizes. Most men imagine that life for a woman is a matter of sitting on a pedestal and just saying “no” “no” “no” all day.

    • Btw, as reference. In one study they had a male student approach women asking for sex, and a woman approaching men asking for sex. I think the woman got 100% success ratio except for commited and gay men, who apologized at length for refusing the offer. The man got zero takers. Both were equally attractive and same age, social skills etc.

      Blogsome did another study, where he posted ads as a woman seeking a sexual partner in ads, got on average 200 offers a day per city (did all the major cities). Posting as a man he got zero responses. It was the exact same wording, and both the man and women were of same age and looks. Homosexual men and women’s ads got about the same (to one another). Only the heterosexual men’s part of the study showed impossibility to get laid.

      So….

      It comes back to what man ignore. When men say “women can get laid any time they want”, what they’re ignoring is that the penalty for a woman initiating is much higher, and she has much more societal barriers to do it, but upfront and afterwards.

      So, I’d say both sides are telling the truth, they’re just focused on different things.

    • “Any attempts to get the attention of possible sex partners will more than likely be interpreted as “dancing slutty,” “dressing slutty,” or “eye-fucking.” Men who employ similar tactics are not sluts; they’re “suave,” “smooth,” or “a player.” ”

      One more thing. Sorry to flood you with so many comments :) I apologize.

      I’ll have to correct this. Men who employ similar tactics are not automatically suave, smooth or players. Most men who try to employ this are “creeps”, “perverts”, “on the prowl”.

      Its only the 2% of men who master these tactics who are referred to as “players”. In the same way, that the 2% of women who master these tactics are reffered to as “seductresses”.

      The majority of us who try to use these tools of showing interest, will do so in an unrefined manner, and we’ll be accused of being either a creep or a slut (depending on gender). Saying the other side has it easier, is not only untrue, its not constructive.

      When men whine how “women have it easier in sex” its not helping anyone. But its also unuseful to claim all men are “players” when they mack on women, because that’s not true. Most men are labeled and shamed into being “losers”, not players.

      • Alek, everything she said on her post makes automatic sense if you replace every instance of “men” with “men that I’d like to have sex with”. Remember that betas do not exist for women, sexually.

          • Betas do not exist because women do not register them as “men” on the sexual market, that is, when they are seeking for a partner. When I say they don’t exist, I am being almost literal. They’re non-persons, sexually speaking.

              • Dude, I am WAY past the age when I believed that the world is fair and square. Reality simply is. On the other hand, now that you understand what I am saying, go back to the article and read it once more, making the substitution I suggested on my first reply, and you will see how it makes perfect sense.

      • Men are not looked upon as particularly slutty because women already see them as generally slutty. Women assume that all men want sex all the time, and for good reason. Some women even THINK that a large population of men are potential rapists. So, the reason a man’s reputation isn’t hurt is because he doesn’t have one with women to begin with. If anything, while being his usually slutty male self, he can’t get laid, then there’s something wrong with him. If women believed the majority of men were decent and they turned their noses at men who were not, men would be slut shamed too. Part of why men can behave the way they do is because women supply the demand. Women are far more likely to marry a man whore than a man is willing to marry a female whore. There are other factors that women have no control over though. Since they have it easier than men, they are seen as the employer and men are viewed at the applicants. When a woman “hires” anyone, her “business” starts to look bad, but for a man it’s a win… There is one exception though, few men brag about scoring a slut because every man can get her anyway.. Keep in mind, women think that generally all men are slutty, what do you suppose they have to brag about? Money perhaps? Think about it.

  8. Of course any half way attractive woman can get laid anytime. The above mentioned studies show that.
    And of course men and women are equally frustrated. Thats because we are brainwashed that way ´cause some evil forces want certain beliefs and behaviors and want to sell products.
    I´m sure the slut stigma feels very real, but its not half as real as it feels. Not even close. A lot of men love and respect if a woman is sexually outgoing. But your unconscious mind wants to protect you and floods your system with fear to keep you out of a situation that is out of your normal behavior just to keep you save, even if you know better and even if your success rate would be proven to be close to a 100%. All you have to do is to make an offer, as long as its just about wanting to get laid.
    So to get past our social conditioning we have to leave our comfort zones and confront irrational fears and beliefs.
    But what a man has to learn to have just a fraction of the sexual choice that most women can have is way beyond fear management. Teaching seduction to men has become a huge industry in the last decade. There is some profound knowledge in that community but also tons of frauds and who try to sell hope to the same target group as the porn industry.

    • several hundred years of being commodified/raped/abused and socially disregarded can “of course” leave said isolated and degraded group feeling fearful, ashamed, and “golly gee frustrated”. That “stigma” which you do not seem inclined to define, I suspect your referring to “slut shaming”, is twice as real as your need for a new perspective.

      • The vast majority of men will never rape a woman in their lifetime. “Normal” men can’t even hold an erection if they’re knowingly hurting a woman. That doesn’t mean women don’t fear rapists because it only takes one bad apple to destroy the bunch. BUT, I wouldn’t say that men have being mistreating their women for centuries. The opposite is true in most cases. Men have been caring for their wives for centuries and protecting them.

    • “Research findings show gender asymmetries (reflecting the complementary economic roles) in prostitution, courtship, infidelity and divorce, female competition, the sexual revolution and changing norms, unequal status between partners, cultural suppression of female sexuality, abusive relationships, rape, and sexual attitudes.” This is from the article you cited…Fail…

      • I’m sorry? Do you not understand the definition of the word asymmetric? Or were you drunk when you replied?

  9. Sorry but this article is a load of crap.

    In fact, let’s forget all the dribble and go right back to the original question. “Can a woman get laid anytime she wants?” The answer is absolutely YES. Doesn’t matter if your fat, ugly, whatever…if your female, you can get laid.

    Now, can a man get laid anytime he wants? Go back and read the article and you’ll get your answer, which is absolutely not.

    • Ok, but every man who comes here to argue that point is ignoring a very realistic question of: will she? OK she can, but is she going to act on that ability, when the risks of becoming a social outcast are exponentially greater for her than for her male counterpart? the answer is obviously a no. and if you argue something ridiculous like that’s the woman’s own fault, then you are undervaluing our ability to reason. Then its just obvious that you are biased. so, assuming that most women are reasonable and have their well being and happiness at heart they will not be able to fuck every guy that they are want. are you fallowing this? so if you think that most women don’t give shit about what they get called behind their backs, then, sure women are getting laid 24/7 all around the world, and you’re just sitting there with your dick stuck to your hand. and by the way there are more women in the world than men: do the math….. ok, if anyone has any questions then just send them to my post k?

      • Eka, what?
        The part about social outcast is astonishing.
        So, if a woman writes a Wilt Chamberlain-type ‘i slept with this many people’ book, she’ll get laughed out of the ‘book store’?
        What?

  10. A girl is complaining shes not having sex. So I say im not having sex, why not do it with me? Of course rejection. And im considered cute … please explain that. Oh, and I made it perfectly clear that i was being serious

      • Woman’s definition of creepy is SOMETIMES just a matter of how attractive she finds than man who says something.

        In my observation it seems like women don’t want straight forward honesty like that. They like things to be indirect. In the years I’ve lived the best guess I’ve been able to come up with is that women worry about being seen as easy and don’t want to be taken for granted, so indirect courting acts as a buffer. Why men rarely worry about this is probably just as big a question actually.

  11. I have to agree with the majority of the commentators here that your article seems to be based on very little evidence and mainly held up by your personal beliefs. Many scientific studies examining the differences between male and female sex drives indicate very clearly that, yes, females have a much “easier” time controlling when heterosexual intercourse occurs.

    This doesn’t have to be a bad thing – it seems like the author is equating the fact that women have an easier time finding and having sexual partners with being “another reason for men to say bad things about women”. But I don’t believe sexual frustrated men are saying bad things about women by talking about this biological fact, really it’s just venting. Men complain about not being able to find ANY sexual partner the same way women complain about not finding the “RIGHT” sexual partner. Because of basics of supply and demand, women have the opportunity to be much more selective in choosing a partner – this has obvious biological and evolutionary roots.

    In summary – just as women have every right to complain and whine to their girlfriends about there “not being in any “good” guys out there”, men have every right to complain about women having an easier time in the dating world. It’s simply both genders complaining about the realities of biology – men want any form of sex from any partner, while women only want sex from valuable partners.

    • Please site these scientific studies, but be aware, there are scientific studies that “prove” that people of African descent are inherently inferior, both physically and mentally to people of (white)European descent. Thomas Jefferson subscribe to such scientific “truths”. I only mean to suggest caution and clarity when using science to articulate your (out of context) point.

  12. LOL, what a bunch of nonsense! Sweetie, I think that you think waaaaay tooooo much. Please, spend one year in a man’s body. And I don’t mean one of the men that sex positive feminists envy and try to emulate in order to feel “empowered”. I mean living the life of your average guy. Do you have any idea what its like to be a man? I’m starting to believe that the common denominator amongst sex positive feminists is that they have absolutely no clue about men. And of course this article all boils down to slut shaming. Feminists hate it! Its their arch nemesis. You see, women who are wired for emotionally detached sex, and crave it with lots of different men, absolutely HATE the fact that men still have freedom to choose women that are not promiscuous. this eats them alive! Its that one area where feminists met their match. They continue to insist that men are “conditioned” be big bad mean old “society” to shun women who have have had lots of other many inside of them. The fact that most men (and the most in desirable) men generally choose women with less sexual experience to devote their lives too, while men generally are attracted to promiscuous women for sex and fun.

    So, this article is just another pointless (and weak) attempt to tackle this biological and evolutionary issue that they have hit a brick wall with. Over 40 years ago. Afterall, if a women can get laid whenever she wants, then its kinda hard to make the case that being promiscuous is “empowering”. Just like its hard for me to make the case that buying a can of soda at the deli is “empowering”

    • Oooh, Michael, Michael, Michael. Where to begin? With your incredibly condescending and demeaning use of the word “sweetie?” Hint: Sweetie is a pet name. Don’t use it with strangers. It’s rude. Incredibly so.

      Spend a year in a man’s body? What the hell is that even supposed to mean? Oh, of course, it’s easy to be in a woman’s body, right? Look, I’m not going to say being in either body is easier, but being a lady isn’t exactly a cakewalk either, bub. And no thank you, I don’t want to spend a year in a man’s body, I quite like living in mine. If I wanted to be in a man’s body, I wouldn’t be a woman, I’d be a transgendered man. Duh.

      I’m starting to believe that the common denominator between jerkwads like you is that they have absolutely no clue about women. Notice I didn’t say “Common denominator between men.” That’s because, contrary to the belief of sexist asswipes, feminists don’t hate men, and they don’t think they’re all the same. Just misogynist jackoffs. They ARE all the same.

      Here’s the thing: I don’t care if a guy has a choice between me and a girl who isn’t promiscuous, and he chooses her. As long as he’s choosing her because he likes her personality better, or he thinks she’s prettier, or they just get along better, and not because he puts some premium on her sexual purity. Because if that’s why he chose her, he’s a sexist douche.

      Sex-positive feminists, at least the set thereof that I and the Original Poster belong to, aren’t out to have “sex like men.” We’re out to have sex however we like it, and to not be judged more harshly than men for it. Our goal is for women to stopped being judged for their sexual practices. Or their lack of sexual practices. We want people to stop judging us by what’s been happening in our bedrooms, and judge us by what happens outside it. Sex-positive feminists just want a society where having sex doesn’t automatically make everyone call you names. That’s what we mean when we say “We hate slut-shaming.” Why is that so freaking bad or unreasonable?

      We’d really like if nobody got judged badly for their sexual preferences/history, or lack thereof, whether they be male or female, but since woman get judged more harshly for it, that’s who we’re championing for.

      Get this, smarty pants. I’m a sex positive feminist with more sexual experience than my boyfriend. I’ve had one-night stands, I’ve had fuck-buddies, and hell, I’ve even had relationship sex. Lemme tell you, I don’t regret it. Some of it was good sex. Some of it wasn’t. Remember that boyfriend I mentioned? Monogamous. Several year relationship. Probs gonna get married someday. Would I ever give him up to go back to one-night stands? No, because I love him. Would I ever cheat on him? No, because I love him.

      How’s that for “Men prefer to devote their lives to women with less sexual experience?” How about “People, in general, prefer to devote their lives to people they have deep emotional connections with, whether those people are virgins or veterans, because they know that connection, chemistry, and commonality are more important than whatever their partner did before they met?”

      I mean, really, if a girl connects with you in every single way, and then you find out before you even met her, she had one-night stands with a couple of guys… seriously, if she’s the one and you give her up for that, you’re an idiot and she’s better off.

      Repeat after me: Being a sex-positive feminist does not make you emotionally distant. Sex-positive feminists are no more likely to be emotionally distant than women who keep their legs closed til marriage. How I like my sex says nothing about my capacity for emotion. Sex and emotion are NOT always linked for every person. Would I have sex with someone who pisses me off? No. Would I have sex with an attractive friend who I didn’t have relationship-feelings for? Yes, if I weren’t in a monogamous relationship. Does that mean I’m not capable of loving my boyfriend? Ask anyone I know. Or him. Oh, wait, don’t, actually, my friends don’t like to talk to sexist douchewads, and neither does my boyfriend.

      I’ll give you the answer: I love my boyfriend and turn into a little pile of mush just about whenever he opens his mouth. Or looks at me. Or is reading a book. Somehow, all that sluttiness didn’t take away my ability to be loving and committed. Go figure.

      Here’s the thing: Having sex isn’t empowering because I’m having sex. Having sex is empowering when I’m doing something I enjoy even if other people say it’s not good proper behavior for a lady. Empowerment is destroying the idea of my worth as a person having ANYTHING to do with my sexual history.

      Please, for cripe’s sake, know what you’re talking about when you talk. Nothing’s worse than being a douche, except being an purposely ignorant one.

      • If all women were sex-positive, everybody would be happy. However, owing to the ease with which women get laid, they can choose who to have a relationship with. Insofar as men get a choice (which, in the real world, they do, more than the model suggests, I admit), they choose to have relationships with women they know won’t cheat on them. Because statistically, women have more opportunities to cheat, character notwithstanding. When a man is looking to secure a long-term commitment, it’s usually because he’s not alpha enough to be a player, so he needs to ensure regular sex by constructing a relationship, entrapping the woman. Happily, he is likely to choose women who themselves are looking for a relationship using this strategy. It’s not a “premium on her sexual purity”, it’s a low-risk investment.

        Where you say “having sex is empowering because you’re doing something you enjoy”, you neglect the important part of the argument of the person you were replying to: men also usually enjoy having sex, but when we (the average, non-alpha male) try to empower ourselves by doing something we enjoy, we come up against our own version of slut-shaming: rejection, and the epithet “pervert”, especially if we do it too much. So we do get a similar experience to slut-shaming, except we don’t even get to have sex!

    • Please, spend one year in a man’s body. And I don’t mean one of the men that sex positive feminists envy and try to emulate in order to feel “empowered”.

      One woman actually did. A lesbian journalist (feminist too) spent a year living as an average man and trying to date and meet women.

      She was shocked and astounded at how much harder dating and mating is for men and how much more pain, frustration and misery average men have to deal with.

      Self-Made Man: One Woman’s Year Disguised as a Man by Norah Vincent is the book. It’s a fascinating read.

  13. I’m contemplating on writing a new topic about “how hard is it to keep your post under 5 lines” feminists are tampons btw, what’s a sex positive feminists? Look slut shaming is a phenomena that will never disappear and feminists are wasting time arguing about it. Try to think of it as men can go topless but women can’t issue, it doesn’t seem fair but you cant change it. From my experience i found that slut shaming mostly originates from women themselves so meh. Oh feck its more than 5 lines!

  14. There was a study done in which a pretty girl was placed on a college campus and told to walk up to men and say the following “Hi, would you like to come back to my apartment and have sex with me… right now?”… 50% of guys said yes..

    Then they had a male model do the same thing to women. Not a single woman said yes… So yes it is easier for women to get laid.

    Maybe I’m in the minority of guys who would rather find a girl I like than just any ol’ girl. A buddy of mine will do just about anything that moves. He’s that good looking guy in the bar who will loudly chat you up about your spirit animal. If you move on he’ll waste about 2.3 seconds before loudly chatting someone else up about their spirit animal, or what type of flowers are on their dress, or how they look like they would be really good at hula hooping.

    In contrast, the best first date I’ve ever been on was when a girl laughed for about 5 minutes about something I said on the topic of moral objectivism… sigh, why did she move 2000 miles away.

    my buddy gets laid approximately 3X as much as I do… But I’m just not going to talk about the flowers on your dress and ask if you self identify more as a white rose or as a rhododendron.

    • If you are going to claim there is a study, please direct a link to the study. I think it is disingenuousness.

      That is something I learned in elementary school/middle school which is carried on all the way through college.

      • That study is the most famous study in all of sexuality research. It was also repeated like 5 times in 5 countries over the past years.

  15. Nah, you’re right.
    Men say that they have to have conversation skills, and be attractive/ successful to attract a woman. But what about the shy, nerdy wallflower who wants a guy, but is always overlooked? One of the commetors above even said that if a girl is ‘outgoing’ she can get laid…that’s the thing. Men AND women need to be outgoing, so how do girls have it easier?
    @Alex,
    Obviously it is more dangerous if a man is asking a woman to his car, rather than vice versa. You are overlooking that aspect of it. If women perceive it as he may beat me up, rape me, and kill me, they’re not going out with you.
    Men have it all, they can sleep with anything, no emotional connection/feelings needed. Women are the ones that typically require chemistry to actually let you in (not in all cases, of course). Many of us, me included, don’t want just anyone, including someone who has been with just anyone.
    Men have it easier.

    • Men AND women need to be outgoing, so how do girls have it easier?

      Because as a man you need to be outgoing just to not be called a perverted a creep. As a man, being outgoing only guarantees you that women will not spit in your face or call you a serial killer upon saying hi.

      You still have to go through massive amounts of rejection, you’re still expected to do all the initiation, you’re still expected to take several hundred risks between hello and actual sex.

      As a woman, if you’re outgoing and can smile and make men feel comfortable -THATS IT -done. You can get almost any man you want.

    • This was wrong two months ago and still is.
      A woman has just as much power to destroy someone’s life as a man does.
      She is pretty, so she will get away with it.
      Thanks!

    • I had no interest in responding to this waste of time discussion until I read this>>> “Men have it easier” WE DO NOT HAVE IT EASIER!!! YOU GOTTA BE F***ING KIDDING ME!. I do apologize for using caps but WE DONT PERIOD! this is my/our (MENS) life long struggle. And that short little statement drove me nuts by how ignorant it is and insults me to the core, like if my life long struggle with women is a self imposed delusion, when I know for a fact that its not. What I see happening here is that were all under the mercy of genetics that seemingly have women being more caring creatures to be able to care for their offspring more effectively hence they are looking for a relationship and men being sexually charged poor bastards who cant help-it so that nature can continually force the human race to survive, so their always looking for sex.

      These genetics are outdated in my opinion so now everyone is frustrated because of it. Look Im pretty much a joe six pack, im not well read and the only way I know how to punctuate anything is commas and exclamation marks so I never reply to anything on the net cause I know im gonna be ridiculed for my lack of education but I just had to reply to this one by how I overwhelmingly felt slapped in the face by the aforementioned statement. Their is nothing more frustrating in my life than having to view the world through a mans eyes, like a filter that make women look like an irresistible, sensual, sexual, entity and then to find that it seems like their never interested in sex. I go to a dating website and their looking for a long term relationship and make it obvious that their not interested in sex but somehow expect a guy to want to give up their freedom and be in a long-term relationship with no hope of ever getting sex why do women sabotage their online profiles like that?

      I know no one will believe me after this angry reply but im a really nice guy and not bad looking. but sometimes I just wanna get laid because my body desperately needs it and it is HARD! for me to get laid, unless I spend my rent money cause im not rich, and out of necessity I would rather have a roof over my head than get laid, but at the end of the day I just want a girl with a good heart to put my arms around and to care for. We will always want what we cant have, but in a mans case we want sex because we are genetically written to behave this way. I f you wanna find a nice guy be honest and explain to him what kind of relationship you are looking for, and never destroy him dream of getting sex once in awhile cause maybe the poor bastard doesn’t have a lot of options, with me being a guy I know he doesn’t. Its easier for a woman to get laid whenever they want and that’s the truth.

      Im sorry I called you ignorant LaDeeDah but I was really angry at the beginning of my reply. But it sucks for a guy we desperately want sex its not our faults we want it that bad and then we have a hard time getting it.

  16. I read the first couple of sentences and I already know that it was written by a woman (who is Feminist to boot).

    Which is to say that you, the author, has NO clue what you are talking about (very few women do)… especially when it comes to men and the differences between the sexes.

    The arguments you present are weak at best (lest not rerun Feminist arguments that I heard 10,000 times).

    • Read Federici and tell me what you understand about men. Read Maria Mies and tell me what you think about men. Explain to me this negative connotation being applied to a “feminist to boot”. “The author, has no clue what you are talking about (very few women do)” suggests that you in fact have very little knowledge and/or understanding…especially when it comes to…anything. Did using the word lest make you feel more powerful, articulate, sexually secure? I have seen a lot of rancid arguments made against the author with regards to this article but none so provocative, so impressively acute, thoughtful and concise as women simply don’t know what their talking about. I give my sincerest condolences to your mother on your behalf, with regards to your ignorance, you know not what you say/do/imply/ or write/ your a shinning example of a hindrance to social progress.

    • whats your point? there’s no argument there about the actual topic. just bunch of drivel written by a guy who has a bunch of preconceived stereotypical notions about what women are like…. and you’re saying we don’t understand men?…you obviously have no interest in understanding us. so either make an effort to make a VALID point or shut the fuck up.

  17. @ all whom feel so “empowered” to discredit the author…Don’t. With a minimal amount of research one can easily find evidence of an antagonistic relationship between the sexes. And this minimal research would also illuminate that women, by and large for much of recent history, have been the victims of horrific social/psychological/physical/ and sexual mutilation. Since the Witch Hunts of Europe, a time when raping women was not only legal, but encouraged, by the church no less, to now when women are still forced to fight and struggle for equality within a social structure that depends upon the social antagonisms between genders/races/ and sexual orientation, society has been alienating women from their bodies, using media, politics, and coercive force, to try and diminish the “sexual power” it has long been assumed that women have over men. I see this notion of a woman’s innate “sexual power” over men to be at the heart of these arguments, and to be the underlining interest for exploration by the author. Writing an article articulating about this antagonistic dilemma, in any fashion, should be commended, especially when it arouses(no pun intended, ok maybe a little) so much debate. But do not be misled by your precious media, which has directly or indirectly shaped your understanding of women’s history. To suggest that women have it “easier” than men when it comes to having sex seems rather asinine, since only in the last 50 years or so have women even been allowed(in our modern society) to begin developing(publicly) a sexual identity, in a legal sense, and even now it is constantly being restricted and denied(abortion being a prime example). Until we (society) provide a safe forum for women to live in and express themselves with equal protection and rights( not just in writing) it would seem quite irrational to assume that women(in general) have any leg up on their historically oppressive counterparts.

    • You are quite motivated in your responses Jason David… But i believe you have gotten a bit off topic.

      The title of the article is “Can women really get laid whenever they want?”

      “Get Laid” being key words (not be sexually liberated, not counteract a history of subjugation, etc…)

      The fact is, in most clubs/bars/etc… there are a handful of women, and a swarm of men. Just statistically speaking a women should be able to drag one to the sack. Never mind the social ramification of a dimly lit one night stand, or the dangers of said encounter (Getting laid is getting laid).

      Additionally, women sell sex at a much more often than men do. This clearly shows that a woman’s body is in much higher demand then a man’s, due to the higher male sex drive. You may argue that this is indicative of female subjugation, but I say it is a simple supply and demand equation. Being that there is a high demand for women to have sex, and an over supply of men willing to have sex.

      The author even went off topic in the article…

      • “A woman’s body is in much higher demand than a man’s, due to the higher male sex drive.” The way I see it, it’s the higher male sex drive that results from the withholding of sex by women, so men become obsessed with sex. Men who regularly get sex from committed relationships are usually not obsessed with it. Women who get little opportunity to have sex (I am with one at the moment) are as obsessed with it as any archetypal man.

        I have never understood why high demand for sex with a woman subjugates the woman. To me, it subjugates the man greatly – he is always the needy one, and the woman the one in control, who can grant him his wish or not, as she wishes.

  18. Please excuse the typ-o’s in my post above (and this one), but there is no edit option.

    Just in response to this portion of the article:
    “It’s not fair to say that if a woman wants sex she should just “stop being picky” and have sex with whomever, when men are just as likely to reject people they are not attracted to.”

    From a purely Biological Perspective this is what it appears men/women are *usually* attracted to at a subconscious level:

    Men: goal in life to procreate as much as possible, hence they chose women based mainly on physical appearance. In most cases this means young and physically fit, however, most of the time being less than ideal will do, as the goal is not to settle down but procreate as much as possible.

    Women: goal in life is to procreate as well. However, must give birth to a child. Hence women have a much more complicated attraction to the opposite sex. This means a provider is necessary, or a strong independent individual who is ‘better’ than all the other males. ***Whether or not if the women is looking for a long term relationship, this is simply what women are attracted to***
    (Why women often like ‘established’ men, ‘bad boy’ types, a ‘man in uniform’, Juice Heads, or the cool kid in school).

    So, what does this add up to?
    A lot of women are attracted to a FEW choice males (which many of them can’t have), and a lot of males just try to get laid as much as possible (not very successfully).

    IF you are one of those few males, you have it made, but for the vast majority of humanity, life is tough…

    —-You may say, “but we have come so far from our primal ancestors”—- But, what is more primal than sex?

  19. The premise of this article is all wrong. It seems to be about whether a woman can find Mr. Right easily not whether a woman can get some strange easily. There’s all these pretenses about assault, etc. but WTF does THAT have to do with the ease of getting laid with an actual person rather than your own hand? What? Guys cannot end up in bed with some crazy psychotic chick too? That’s a completely different topic and beyond the scope of the original question. I can guarantee you that any woman who isn’t downright ugly (and even THEN many who are) isn’t going to have to spend very long in a crowded bar if she dolls herself up and shows actual interest in a guy to get picked up. Guys just aren’t that picky. Bring afraid to approach men belongs in a psychology article, not a question of IF a woman could get laid any time she wants to. As a man, I can dress up nice, approach women all night long and still go home alone. Part of the problem there is that it is women who are truly picky about whom they pay attention to, not men. Read any number of articles on bad boys, “player” games, etc. and see just how easy it is to lose a girl’s interest by saying or doing something that logically makes sense (e.g. Complimenting her appearance to show interest) but backfires because women are crazy and want to date a$$holes but don’t even know it! They claim they want nice guys, sensitivity, etc. but it’s all a crock. They’re naturally repelled by positive behavior and then wonder why the guys they date use them, treat them like crap, etc. as if there’s some great mystery going on. I GUARANTEE you a woman can get a guy to take her home from any bar that has a few dozen people in it within 10 minutes with a minimal of effort and that is because even guys who aren’t looking to get laid aren’t going to pass it up if it magically lands in their lap! I’m not talking about finding a good choice to start a relationship with. The question is whether a woman can get laid or nor period. And it IS a good question because it’s definitely a lot harder for just an “average” guy than an average girl. Super models and Rico Suaves won’t relate. Desperate girls can easily get laid. Desperate guys will be virgins forever and that is simply because MOST men and women want and look for different things. Guys are simple to understand. They want laid. Women are planning nuptials in their minds 20 moves ahead and dismiss normal guys on every little quirk but are attracted like a magnet to the jerks in the room but will never admit it’s for the same reason guys are attracted to large breasts. The difference is at the end of the night the guy that wishes he could sleep with Katy Parry will settle for Anna normal but most women who complain about no good men being out there won’t settle for Joe Geek or Mr. Chubbs no matter how nice he would treat them. It’s a total double standard about “shallow” men when the average woman is 4x as shallow but simply won’t admit it in a survey and yet it shows up in the scientific studies every time. Women TALK about heathy attributes and cry about jerks using them, but they keep on dating them anyway and the truly nice guys might as well force themselves to be gay because they will never find this magic girl who actually practices the bullcrap she preaches.

  20. There was a study done where they had women proposition men for sex and they simply didn’t get turned down. Every single man responded positively. Even the few who couldn’t take up the offer due to being married or committed were very supportive and grateful for the offer and apologizing profusely for saying no.

    Not only did men get turned down almost every single time, they experienced a lot harsher reactions.

    So when men say “you can get laid any time you want” – they mean, if you actually tried to instead of standing around to have it given to you.

    Most women who say “I can’t get laid whenever I want, that’s not true”, are referring to the fact that they can’t get laid by just being passive and hinting and waiting for the right guy to come and initiate.

    So with that clarification (if women initiate, they can get laid anytime they want).

  21. a notion that contributes to the stereotype of women as shallow creatures (or “bitches”) who will only mate with prime physical specimens; i.e. the ones with rippling muscles and waxed chests

    Except all the studies confirm this.

    When it comes to getting laid, men are found to dramatically decrease their standards and willing to sleep with just about any woman.

    Women however, when looking to get laid, have their standards shoot up far above their long-term or relationship standards. In fact, there’s a direct link between a man’s muscularity, v-shape and how many sexual partners he has and how much women are interested in getting laid with him.

    So yes, women’s increasing standards when it comes to getting laid are in fact not a myth. I’ve found no study that confirms this. There’s literally hundreds of studies that all confirm this about women and men trying to get laid. Women shoot up in “shallow” criteria, men lower “shallow” criteria.

    p.s.

    In relationships it’s the opposite. Women are less demanding and look more at personality and long-term traits, whereas men are more likely to refuse to settle beneath a certain level of looks (for a girlfriend). Men are actually more shallow in their choice of long-term partners. Women are more shallow when choosing sex partners.

  22. No matter what happens next, she is already a “slut,” by social standards and therefore does not deserve respect from men or women. Any attempts to get the attention of possible sex partners will more than likely be interpreted as “dancing slutty,” “dressing slutty,” or “eye-fucking.” Men who employ similar tactics are not sluts; they’re “suave,” “smooth,” or “a playe

    That’s a feminist theory that’s absolutely untrue in the world. I actually know quite a few womanizers and playas.

    I don’t actually see people slapping them on the back and congratulating them. They face a lot of hostilty, a lot of overall being judged and looked-down upon. Men tend to hate them, women tend to bash them (and smash their cars and stalk them).

    Though, I agree the judgement isn’t as bad as a woman who’s had a lot of sex

    I just want to point out that this naive belief that males with lot’s of sex-partners are “studs that society praises” is a naive fantasy concocted by theoreticians.

    And further, the even more important thing is that women don’t have to deal with “creep-shaming which I think is of equal severity for men.

    Men get labeled creeps for trying to initiate with women. Any time you’re asking a woman out you risk being labeled a creep. Men don’t just simply get rejected. Nope. For some reason a lot of modern women feel the need to get an ego boost by bragging a guy they rejected. And in order to package it as a complaint they complain about a “creep” that dared asked them out. Which most of the time is simply a guy who wasn’t her type.

    Men lose reputations too. If you interview men you will find out that they’ve had to sign out or leave entire organizations and groups just because they asked a woman out. Once you ask a woman out in a certain group, and she rejects you – your reputation is screwed in that group.

    If you ask a girl out in yoga class, and you are rejected, what follows is the same amount of shaming and reputation damage that a woman experiences if she slept with a guy in the group.

  23. i know guys who approach 20 girls a night,5 days a week and it took them 6months to a year to get laid.how many women u know that just want sex and have to put this much work in as men do. I had to approach over 6000 women just to get a date. so women need to stfu about if they can get laid whenever they want

  24. people just KISS (Keep it simple AND STUPID).

    SIMPLE: it is true girls get laid easier than guys (girls get laid whenever they want).

    STUPID (absolutely. NO QUESTIONS ASKED): good looking girls get an easier fuck of course, so do good looking guys (this is just absoulute)

    but all in all, again, if you are in a club, if lets say someone wants to test this, go ahead…. EASY to understand AND STUPID to believe,

    WHY?

    if you are good looking girl, go to the club, approach a guy you want to get laid, “initiate sex” to them, unless the guys are gay, they will ged laid! either when they are drunk when u said it or when they are fully aware when u asked for it!

    for good looking guys, lets say, you approach someone in a club (CONSIDER YOU DONT GET HER REALLY DRUNK). it will take you atleast 1 week to get laid! or lets say 3x of meeting with her :))))))))),

    It is a different story tho if you keep her drinking lotsa alchohol….if she is totally drunk (With tequila, and she pass out in the club, you could get her easy = this is one tactics those players are using!).

    BUT KEEP IN MIND, It wont also work if you see this beautiful girls with their guy friends (you might end up in a fight with the GUYS….. LOOOL)

    IN CONCLUSION, girls want it, but sometimes they are too shy, and guys need sweet talks if they want the sex :D

  25. Pingback: Rape culture? I’ll show you rape culture. « Talkin' Reckless

  26. Women with half my looks have a several times higher chance of hooking up with a member of the opposite sex. I’ve seen female friends bounce from one man to the next with ease. Slut shaming is only “used” when a woman is very casual about sex, when men act the same way they’re often called slimeballs or a man-whore. Most women can do what they want without a damaged reputation as long as they stick with one boyfriend at a time and boyfriends are something they are rarely without unless they are severely out of shape or have mental problems. I don’t think most women have any idea how bad bad can be but as with almost everything, think they’re somehow either the victim or on “equal” bad fortune, sorry I’m not seeing it.

  27. Whenever women remind me that if I don’t accept women for they way they are, I’m the one that’s going to be alone. I always reply that if she can only get men who have no standards, I understand why she would see it that way. I’d sooner be alone than have a headache. My ex always brags about how loving her husband is to her and I always say, “Yes you’re right, even though you’re crappy in every unloving sense of the word, he puts up with you. Now that’s love!”

  28. I have something else that I think needs to be said. A woman is not considered a slut just because she’ll have sex with anybody! A slut can be just as picky as any other female. A slut is simply a woman who sleeps around. This is from Wikipedia :”Slut or slattern is a pejorative term applied to an individual who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous.” A slut being someone who will sleep with anyone is more of an urban definition. To take it one step further, in at least some cases, the main difference between a slut and a regular female, is that a slut is just open about it. If anything, being open and honest is a pretty good quality if you ask me. For some reason sluts aren’t viewed as desirable though. I think it has to do with men wanting to be viewed as special. Most people want that. A man doesn’t want to be seen as routine sex (that’s boring) and definitely doesn’t like the thought of how many men have been there in the last week. It gets even worse if he can’t even brag to his friends because they’ll just tell him that they’ve been there and done that. Why slutty men are admired so highly in this society, I have no idea. Maybe we need to ask the women that question.

  29. “The problem here is that this line of reasoning goes on a lot of assumptions, the main one being that women are in a perpetual state of being propositioned for sex.”
    *facepalm*
    That’s because it’s socially unacceptable for a man to simply ask a woman for sex. If your understanding of men wasn’t so shockingly shallow, you would know that men pretty much want to have sex for most of the day. So even if they’re not explicitly asking you for sex, there is absolutely no doubt that a lot of men are looking at you and pondering what it would be like to have sex with you.

    If you’re not being propositioned for sex, then, you know… you could try using that opening on your face called a “mouth”… and maybe… use it… to ask a man if he wants to have sex with you? Rather than standing there like some passive object?

    Girl- “Hello, do you want to have sex?”
    Guy- “For real?”
    Girl- “Yeah dead serious.”
    Guy- “Sounds good.”

    IT’S THAT SIMPLE.

  30. As a female I have to agree with the men. It is much easier for women to get laid. But…

    Men who complain shouldn’t complain at all because it is their fault that it is easier for women. If a lot of men weren’t so easy and had actual standards instead of: “Every vagina is fine for me as long as it isn’t from an old lady!” Women would have it just as HARD to get laid as men.

    To make it even more simple:
    Men have a bigger need for sex
    Women have a bigger need for love

    And I firmly believe it doesn’t apply to all men or all women. Not every guy is a sexmaniac and not every women has the need for affection and love some just want casual sex.

    So it isn’t easier for women in general because a lot of women don’t want to just get laid, they want a loving boyfriend.

    I haven’t had a boyfriend or sex for almost a year and I’m still not complaining about sex or care about that at all. But I do miss affection and love sometimes.

    People should just make different priorities instead of sex and the opposite sex, just go out with your friends have a great time meet new people, go travel, find a sport you love, go get a pet, go climb the mount everest, take singing classes, learn a new language…

    I think nature better made us asexual aromantic creatures (and genderless even better!) that reproduces on its own.Then we had more important things to discuss and whine about than not getting laid and complaining about the opposite sex or proving which one is better.
    There is no better sex! It’s the individual that counts!

    • “Men who complain shouldn’t complain at all because it is their fault that it is easier for women. If a lot of men weren’t so easy and had actual standards instead of: “Every vagina is fine for me as long as it isn’t from an old lady!” Women would have it just as HARD to get laid as men.”

      But that isn’t solving the problem, because now your issue is that neither gender is getting laid. I don’t agree with people being stuck-up and having “standards”. People need to be more laid-back, more relaxed, and be more focused on enjoying themselves rather than worrying what others think of them.

      So instead of men trying to be more stuck-up like women, women should really be relaxing themselves instead and having sex more freely. That way, everyone is happy.

      By the way, there’s nothing wrong with shagging an old lady… unless you’re an ageist bigot.

  31. The problem isn’t that a woman can’t get laid, the problem is that she can’t get laid while staying within a long checklist of parameters:

    Attraction
    Safety
    Lack of repercussions

    Attraction – For most girls fat guys are out, short guys are out, hairy guys are out, poor guys are out, any ethnicity that isn’t the same as theirs is out. Then there are other superficial factors that can be dealmakers or dealbreakers such as tattoos, facial hair, hair style, style of dress.

    Safety – This rules out “strange” men so you can’t meet anyone without a reference. So this rules out basically everyone online and men that you would meet in a bar or club. For a man to lose the strange qualifier takes time which basically means dating which generally leads to relationships which somewhat nullifies the idea of getting laid for the sake of getting laid anytime you want to.

    Lack of repercussions – So now you can’t just go around having sex with friends, friends of friends, co-workers, your friends ex-boyfriends, any guy that is married or has a girlfriend, because you are worried about what people will think of you.

    So all a girl needs is an attractive guy who she is familiar with who doesn’t know anybody she knows and who is willing to have sex whenever she wants with no strings attached. That is a fairly tall order.

    Still the fact remains that a woman can post an ad on Craig’s List Casual Encounters and get responses from hundreds of guys a day who are willing to have sex with her. A man cannot do this. You might not find the perfect guy, but do you really need one just to have sex?

    With a bit of screening you should be able to find a reasonable looking non-psycho who is glad to meet up and attend to your needs and his. Just because you don’t want to do such a thing doesn’t mean that the option isn’t there. You’ll always have the option.

    The average looking or below average looking guy doesn’t have the same option. Maybe that is why men often refer to it as “getting lucky”. The odds are largely against him.

  32. This business of rejection is very real for guys. If we don’t have inner game perfected, she will zone in instantly. I have lived a life full of various good and bad sexual possibilities and I tend to feel an immense challenge with insanely beautiful women.

    So, I’ve learned that my propositioning needs to be commensurate with how together my life is in every area at that moment. If I have let my social “guy friends” life start to suck and I’m more and more boring and I don’t earn much and I don’t have nice clothes and I’m out of shape, I’m not going to get laid.
    I would never date a woman who didn’t have her body in shape and looked socially inept.

    Guys, women have to do a lot and spend a lot and keep friendships and get their game on if they want to get laid, they just look a thousand times better than we do with our nosehairs sticking out and bad outfits. If we looked as good as they do, and had our shit together and had good friends and everything was taken care of and our buddies had our back and we even have a few girls numbers as backup (just for confidence)… I think the playing field would be even.

    In fact, I think if we all looked hot as hell and weren’t lazy ass punks, this thread wouldn’t have gone so long.

    I can have a lot of girls, I am learning to just talk to them though and not be so damn needy.

  33. I think you are wrong in your comparison to the problems men and women face in regards to attraction.

    It all boils down to men being desperate for sex with just about anyone, which gives average- to beautiful-looking women (i.e. the majority) the innate power to make sex happen in ways that most men *do not*.

    All a woman needs to do in order to make a man approach her in a club is give him a gaze and a smile, or just bump into him accidently and let him do all the work. She’s free of any slut-shaming from not having done the approaching herself and also doesn’t really have to worry about how she comes off to him, as he’ll be too worried about how to build attraction or fearful of losing the unique opportunity of a woman finally talking to him (yes, this is how most guys feel).

    Now if the guy for some reason is too scared of approaching despite the clear signals, the woman only needs to try again with another man 15 minutes later. This is assuming that nobody is hitting on her without her invitation, which only gives her addition options.

    Now can a guy do this? HECK NO. Merely gazing at a strange girl will NOT spark her interest, and will more likely cause her to give him an ice-cold and dismissive “don’t even think about it you creep”-stare.

    Instead, his only option is to play the numbers game and get rejected time and time again (which can cause a lot of emotional pain) or simply wait around for a drunk- or desperate enough woman to bump into him, which is what we tend to call “getting lucky” (a term that is rarely applied to women for obvious reasons).

    Even outside of clubs women have the power to make things go their way, since for most guys having a woman show even a remote sign of interest in them is enough to make them think she’s romantically- or sexually interested. To strengthen my point, this is a recurring problem for women in the retail business who are expected to be courteous with male customers, which subsequently causes the male customers to mistaken their positive attitude for romantic interest. Heck, even knowing this I myself have a hard time shutting down the butterflies in my stomach as the cute barista asks me how my day’s been.

    In contrast though, will a guy showing even the slightest interest in a girl make her interested in the same manner? NOPE! To her, he’s just another interchangeable guy.

    So yes, women DO have the power to make sex happen, and they don’t exactly have to do a whole lot more than making themselves somewhat presentable. Guys are – once again – desperate for female attention from being constantly reminded that they’re members of the “unattractive sex” and from never receiving any explicit attention from women.

    I mean, how often will a guy hear “you’re beautiful” or “you’re hot” compared to being told “you make me feel so safe” or “you make me feel beautiful”? Not a whole lot I’d say.

  34. We have to remember here that everything a relative. For every time a woman goes out to get laid, a man is going to get some.

    • Lol Scott, but there’s no equality or balance bcz what is happening there is a minority of players are getting several hot women and hundreds or thousands of normal dudes are getting nothing. Guys only want hot to reasonable, once they’ve been taken out the pictrue by players there’s no one they like left. It’s like a lion pride- sir lay-a-lot gets all the chicks, and all the other males get nothing.

  35. In the end, any man who gets laid is laid by a woman and vice versa, regardless of who had it easy in the approach. So it’s an equal opportunity world. Think about it, after a woman “has it easy” who does she open it for? After a man “tries so hard” who does he dip it in? So long as sex is between a man and a woman, we all end up having sex as often as the other gender.

    • As a gender it’s equal, but it’s not equal if you look at the individuals in the gender. One man lays, yes, it’s a lay for Man as a gender, and the partner has her lay, one for the Women, but if you look at the males within the entire male gender, it’s a minority regularly scoring hotties at the expense of the majority remaining. There’s no evening out, a mass of men get no action and the few lays that happen are taken in multiples by individual players, the action isn’t spread equally or evenly amongst the male population. If there are 10hotties handing out one lay each that’s not going to 10men, it will be 1-3players. Players will have good luck, everyone else will have a crappy deal. For every player there’s 100+nice guys, there’s nothing equal about it. Unless we all go on Noah’s Ark 2by2, it’s not going to be even like you think.

      • Just as the hot women ‘can pick and choose who to sleep with, and the just as there are a few select men that ‘get laid’ while the majority of men get rejected, there are MANY MANY women that also get rejected because the hot women are the ones that most men are hitting on. This is true. NOT ALL WOMEN CAN GET LAID ANYTIME THEY WANT. The vast majority of average women are passed over. Women have a lot of power form a certain age to a certain age. After that they simply ‘can’t find a man’
        This is why the makeup industry flourishes.

        • Non hotties have their share of being passed by, mind you, being passed by is not as bad as being rejected. A woman with no luck can always get a friend to fix her up with a guy, most guys attracted or not will at least agree to date, it’s not the same the other way round.It would be awful for a woman to never get a man, part of being a woman is being able to get men, but if you took a man never having a woman and a woman never having a man it would hurt the man more- men without confidence have different lives- women can live without men.

  36. In the end, any man who gets laid is laid by a woman and vice versa, regardless of who had it easy in the approach. So it’s an equal opportunity world. Think about it, after a woman “has it easy” who does she open it for? After a man “tries so hard” who does he dip it in? So long as sex is between a man and a woman, we all end up having sex as often as the other gender.

  37. Pingback: who-gets-the-most-pleasure-from-sex-the-man-or-the-woman | Pearl's Update

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